


We Can Be Heroes

by Onlymystory



Series: The Badass Background of one Evan Buckley [5]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV), Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other fictional badasses I pretended were a SEAL team - Freeform, Rescue Missions, SEAL Steve McGarrett, SEAL!Buck, Team as Family, U.S. Navy SEAL Evan "Buck" Buckley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:08:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23782918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Onlymystory/pseuds/Onlymystory
Summary: When Buck and Eddie can't get hold of Steve McGarrett, they get worried. But when they hear Danny's outgoing voicemail message, it's clear that something is very, very wrong."Hey, you’ve reached Danny Williams.Leave a message if you’re anyone but my partner.If this is Steve...fuck you."There’s the hoarse, garbled sound of a choked off sob. Followed by a so quiet that Eddie can barely hear it,"Fuck you for leaving me."
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Series: The Badass Background of one Evan Buckley [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1672339
Comments: 101
Kudos: 501





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Again, wibbly wobbly timey-wimey with how these two canons line up. Within this series, this takes place about three years after the last installment.  
> I’d just like to thank S10E7 of H50 for FINALLY letting me be right about Doris fucking McGarrett, a woman I cannot stand. And for giving me an episode that lends itself beautifully to a continuation in my crossover/SEAL!Buck series.  
> I tried to make this more omniscient narrator because both relationships are established, but as I’ve said before, I feel like I struggle in this style, so apologies in advance.
> 
> This will be very equal split between both shows and both couples. Title from David Bowie's "Heroes" because duh.

“Something’s wrong,” says Buck, pacing the kitchen floor. He redials the number on his phone. It goes straight to voicemail again. “Steve hasn’t answered any of my calls.”

“Maybe he’s undercover?” suggests Eddie.

Buck shakes his head. “Last time he and Danny came to visit, Christopher asked them about that remember? Danny said it’s pretty much impossible for any of the Five-0 team to do anything more than a very quick, first encounter con on anyone. They’re in the news too much.”

“Did you try Danny?”

“Danny, of course, seriously Eddie Buckley-Diaz you are an absolute genius, why didn’t I think to call Danny, oh my god,” says Buck, leaning in to give his husband a thank you kiss. He scrolls through his contacts quickly to find Danny’s number.

Eddie turns back to making dinner with a smile. He’s still a fairly terrible cook, but Bobby’s been teaching him and so he makes dinner one night a week. Usually something with pasta, though he’s pretty proud of the slow-cooker pot roast from three weeks ago. Tonight however, Christopher will be late at school--two clubs meeting today--and Maddie will be coming over with Chimney, probably bringing Josh along with them, so he’s doing the easy go-to of spaghetti. 

Eddie’s eventually distracted when Buck’s voice breaks the silence, sounding intensely more worried than before. “Eddie?”

He turns to face his husband. “Buck? What is it? What did Danny say?”

“It went to voicemail,” answers Buck. 

“He could be on a case or with Charlie or any number of things.” Something tells Eddie that’s not the case though. To his dismay, he’s quickly proven right. 

“Listen,” says Buck, dialing the number again. It rings long enough that Eddie knows Danny isn’t screening the call. Then the voicemail clicks in. 

_Hey, you’ve reached Danny Williams._

_Leave a message if you’re anyone but my partner._

_If this is Steve...fuck you._

There’s the hoarse, garbled sound of a choked off sob. Followed by a so quiet that Eddie can barely hear it, 

_Fuck you for leaving me._

Eddie pales. Over the last few years, they’ve made a point of going down to Hawaii regularly. Despite the awfulness of the first time, Steve and Danny always open up their home to them. Eddie and Danny usually bond over the batshit craziness of their husbands. Christopher fell back in love with the ocean and the quiet of Steve’s beach makes a perfect place for him to enjoy the water with Buck at his side. 

And the thing he’s learned is that there are few people in this world who love each other like Steve McGarrett and Danny Williams love each other. So for Danny’s voicemail to say that…

“This is bad, Buck.”

“Very, very bad,” echoes Buck.

“Call the Five-0 offices,” says Eddie hurriedly. “They have to have some answers or insight or something.”

Buck finds a number and calls immediately, putting the phone on speaker so Eddie can listen in. 

“Five-0, Tani Rey speaking.”

“Tani? It’s Buck. I’m calling about Steve.”

The gasp of pure relief that comes down the line terrifies both Eddie and Buck. 

“Buck?! Oh my gosh, Steve’s with you? Oh thank god.” 

“Tani,” interrupts Buck. “Tani, Steve’s not with me. That’s why I’m calling. He hasn’t called me back in over a week and we just tried to get in touch with Danny and his voicemail scared the shit out of me. What the hell is going on?”

Tani lets out a rough cry of pure pain, then steels herself and her no nonsense voice comes back. “Let me connect you to video chat so the others can help catch you up to what we know.”

Buck and Eddie wait until they can see everyone.

Lou and Adam are both in the room, looking fairly exhausted. Lou’s not wearing a Hawaiian shirt and if they hadn’t already clued into the fact that something is very wrong, that would have been a giant red flag. Junior has that look in his eyes like he wants to do something stupid. Kono’s eyes are a deep simmering rage. It reminds Eddie of the time Kono had stayed with them after finishing up her federal sex-trafficking case. She’d needed to get her head right she’d said, before she could go back home to normal life. She’d walked around like a tightly wound coil of rage until Buck had finally dragged her to a boxing gym for hours a day.

Tani wears her emotions through her clothes. The more polished businesswoman her outfit, the tenser she is. She looks like she belongs in an executive board meeting today. 

The first time they met the new additions to Five-0, Steve told Buck that night that he picked Tani because someday in the not so distant future, Five-0 was going to need a new captain. Buck admired his choice. A few days of seeing Tani in action and he’d been able to tell she would be a perfect fit when the time came. 

Everyone exchanges a quick hello and then they break down the situation as they know it for Buck and Eddie. 

It seems the CIA asked/told/ordered Steve to go find Doris in Mexico City. She was undercover with a partner, trying to get in with Carmen Lucia Perez, one of the top members of the Sinaloa cartel. But then she went dark. Her partner turned up dead. And the CIA was one shot in the dark away from issuing a kill or capture order on Doris McGarrett. 

So they gave Steve one chance to find his mother and bring her back into the fold. 

Lou’s the one who fills them in about the Danny part of it all. It seems Danny hadn’t wanted Steve to go. Pointed out that every bit of intel they had indicated that Doris was no longer acting in the interests of the United States. That Steve was going to get his heart broken again and Danny couldn’t sit there and watch it happen. Had screamed at Steve, wanting to know when he was going to matter the most. 

But Steve went anyway. 

Because of the nature of the case, they expected not to hear from Steve for at least a few weeks. Then two weeks into the op, they learned that Steve’s transport was attacked. Everyone was worried, but still had faith. This is Steve McGarrett. He’s not the sort to go down easily. 

Until three weeks later when the same agent who brought Steve into this mess showed up at Five-0 offices with Steve’s dog tags. 

Danny had lost it. Completely. Beat the living shit out of the agent, putting him in the hospital. 

Kono’s voice cracks when she says they had to shoot Danny with a tranquilizer to get him to stop because Lou and Junior hadn’t been able to hold Danny back. 

That was four months ago. 

Danny exhausted every lead, every bit of intel they could find, before he gave up. They said he’d walked into Tani’s office and turned in his gun and badge. He promised not to do anything stupid, saying he knows better, that his kids need him, but he couldn’t be here. He couldn’t carry on like any of this was normal. 

“I am so so sorry you guys,” says Eddie. His heart is breaking for all of them. 

Buck’s voice is ice. “Did they find Steve’s body?”

“No,” says Junior.

“But there was an explosion. The car was on fire, we had satellite imagery. The CIA said they’d been hoping against hope that Steve made it out, but his dog tags were found among incinerated human remains in the wreckage,” says Adam, expounding on Junior’s abrupt answer. 

Eddie shudders. 

Buck squeezes his hand, tight, almost too tight. “Can you show me the picture of how the dog tags were found?” he asks. 

Adam nods and pulls it up, also sending the copy to Buck’s phone.

Buck looks, tilts his head, looks again. He zooms in on the attachment and frowns. “Eddie, give me a minute please.”

“Okay,” says Eddie. Something about the photo is clearly bothering Buck, so he waits. The noise of Buck digging into the floorboards in their bedroom echoes down the hall, which means only one thing. Buck’s getting into his safe. They have one safe in their bedroom. It’s small, just holds a few valuables and important papers. They got it in case of a fire, with the documents further sealed in a fireproof box, to protect what they might need, should something ever happen. 

But there’s another safe in the floorboards. That’s Buck’s safe. The one that has his fake identities, his gun, and other things from his SEAL days. 

What Buck brings back is a phone. Eddie knows this phone. This is the hail mary phone, the one Buck’s told him to use if Buck ever disappears and no one can find him. 

While Buck finds a number, Eddie switches the call over to their laptop so they can see everyone easier. 

“Eliot,” says Buck when the gruff answer of “Spencer. Speak.” comes across the line. 

“Don’t tell me you’re going to do something stupid again,” says Eliot. 

“It’s not me, it’s Steve,” he answers.

“Steve? Steve is always doing something stupid.” 

It’s a fair point, one that Danny brings up constantly. Steve is forever jumping in to do what he feels is best, without really considering if it’s the smartest. 

“He went after Shelburne,” explains Buck. He can see the sudden raised eyes and looks of concern among the Five-0 faces when he says Steve’s mom’s code name. Very few people know of the connection. And until now, Kono and Lou are the only team members who know that Buck was a long-term fellow SEAL with Steve. Junior thinks Buck is on his level, which admittedly, Junior’s a damn good SEAL, but he’s not black ops material. The kid has too pure a heart. 

Buck continues with Eliot. “It seems she was in deep with Sinaloa when they lost communication and the CIA used Steve as a last ditch effort to recoup their losses.”

“How far up the ranks did she get?” asks Eliot.

“Perez.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking.” 

In the background, Adam quietly explains to Eddie that Carmen Lucia Perez is easily one of the most dangerous leaders of the cartel. A brutal woman who made her way up the ranks steadily and efficiently. She built up her own network while making inroads, until suddenly everyone realized just how powerful she really was. 

“I assume Shelburne is being a problem,” says Eliot. He pauses. “You know, I met her once on a job. Didn’t let on that I knew Steve, but the impression that I got was that she never regretted her actions for a minute. I don’t know how you do that to your kids. Just let them think you died in a car bomb?”

Buck agrees. Doris McGarrett, aka Shelburne, has done more to twist up Steve’s emotions than anyone else in Steve’s life. It’s one of Steve’s few blind spots and it’s only gotten worse over the years. “Steve’s missing. Presumed dead because they found his dog tags on incinerated remains in the car he was in after the cartel blew it to hell.”

“And you don’t agree?”

“No. I just sent you a picture, Eliot,” says Buck. “Tell me what you see. I want to know if we’re on the same page here.”

Eliot's quiet as he looks at the image. “This is bullshit. Do we know what his plan was?”

“All his team knows was he was supposed to be on transport out of Bogota, then take a boat up to Juarez. I assume he was to make his way to Mexico City from there. Which makes sense, if he tried just flying in, Perez would know about him before his plane even touched down. The car to the coast was attacked.” Buck brings up the part that matters to him. “It’s just...Eliot, the dog tags don’t look right.”

“Tell me why.”

Buck knows what his cousin’s doing. There’s no way Eliot Spencer doesn’t know exactly what’s wrong with the picture, but he’s always careful not to let people jump to conclusions or agree with him. Independent thinking matters. “If Steve was incinerated in a blast, his tags would lay like they were still around his neck.”

Next to him, Eddie is quietly relaying the conversation. 

“In addition, most of the tags are black, but a few are still silver. They should all have ash on them. There’s a pattern. The first curve in the chain points north based on where it lay in the car. Fifteen charred balls, then a silver one. Eight charred, then silver. The chain twists again, this time west. The chain doubles up on itself for eight balls, the last two on each row of which are clear. Then a single row of seven, eighth clear.”

“Longitude and latitude,” says Eddie from the couch. 

Buck inputs the numbers on the phone. “Punta Gorda, Belize,” he says to Eliot. 

He can practically see the smugly proud look on Eliot’s face. “That has to be where Steve went to disappear before restarting the mission. But Elliott, that still leaves us with nearly three months of radio silence. You know that’s not like Steve.”

“No it’s not,” agrees Eliot. “Give me a few hours to see what Hardison can come up with using some back channels and his hacking skills.”

“Thanks Eliot,” says Buck and hangs up, making sure the phone is both on and vibrating so he doesn’t miss the return call.

* * *

It takes Hardison almost five hours, but eventually Eliot calls back. Hardison found Steve. He’s alive and in Mexico City. He’s impressively good at ignoring any and all cameras, but no one can miss every single camera and Hardison finally found him. 

From there, Eliot’s team figured out Steve’s exact location. 

“He doesn’t look good, Buck,” says Eliot.

“Anything on Doris?” he asks, ignoring the first part. Buck knows Steve can’t possibly look good. He could guess that just by the radio silence. 

Eliot’s growl of frustration gives Buck his answer, but Eliot says it anyway. “There’s no way she’s still playing for the CIA. She did some ugly wet work to get that close to Perez, the kind of stuff no honest agent will do.”

“How bad, Eliot?” asks Buck, just to check. 

“The kind of work I used to do,” he answers. 

Shit.

Still, there’s no time to waste. “I’ll put a call in to John to get us a plane,” says Buck. 

“Good. He won’t be able to come on this mission though. He’ll get made.”

Buck takes a breath. Then another, finding his center. “Right. What about Ding?”

“Ding should be fine. He’s been on standard ops lately, keeps saying it’s fun to scrimmage with the JV kids every so often.”

Buck rolls his eyes. “Okay, so we can get Bucky to come through and handle the sniper action. It’ll be best if he gets there on his own anyway, so he can set up independent.”

“Agreed. That puts three of us on the ground. Two for cover, one to carry Steve if necessary.”

Eddie taps at Buck’s shoulder from where he’s been listening in on the conversation. “Junior?” he mouths. 

Buck shakes his head. 

“You know he won’t leave without her,” says Buck, just to make sure that Eliot isn’t forgetting about Steve’s blindspot when it comes to his parents. 

“I know.”

* * *

The call to Hawaii Five-0 goes very well and then very bad, just as Buck and Eddie expected. 

There’s pure joy on the faces of Steve’s team at the knowledge that he’s alive. Adam and Tani start crying. Lou pounds on the wall a few times with his fist, his eyes watering. Junior and Kono look like they just gained years of your life back.

“How, how did you find him?” asks Kono once everyone settles down. 

“I’ll answer that in just a second,” says Buck. “But also, I need you to know that Eddie got on a plane as soon as we had the confirmation, he should arrive in about 75 minutes. Can someone take him to Danny?”

Lou nods. “Of course, but Buck, shouldn’t you be with him? I assume you want in on the plan to get Steve out.”

“I’ve got an extraction already planned,” replies Buck. “Leaving at 0200 hours. We didn’t think that Danny should hear the news over the phone or by relay and if he’s not able to be around you guys, we’re hoping his friendship with Eddie will be enough.”

He really, really hopes it is. Danny’s smart enough not to go running out on the rescue team. He’s a man who knows his limits, but this is a very different circumstance. This time around, it seems like Danny’s broken and Eddie agreed in a heartbeat that he should be there in person. Carla easily reworked her schedule to watch Christopher until they’re back, trading off with the rest of the 118 team as needed. 

A new voice that Buck doesn’t recognize pipes up, followed by a man with a shaved head dressed in prison garb. “Not to be a total buzzkill, but it seems unlikely that you could find Steve when I couldn’t. You guys shouldn’t get your hopes up so fast.”

“Dude, shut up!” snaps Tani, looking like she wants to hit the guy.

“Who’s this?” asks Buck.

“Aaron Wright,” answers Lou. “A real pain in the ass.”

“All I am saying,” says Wright and just his voice makes Buck want to slap him, “is that I am the best and Steve’s vanished. Now, I want the boss back too, but it’s always good to temper expectations.”

“Why? Just why? You don’t have to be you,” says Tani.

Buck sneers. “I’ve never heard of you, so you’re hardly the best. Eliot's guy got us photographic evidence as of two days ago, so he’s clearly far better than you.”

“That seems likely to have been photoshopped,” says Wright. 

“I’ll let Hardison know you said so.”

Wright pales. Good, thinks Buck. Annoying little punk. “Har...Hardison? As in Alec Hardison?”

Buck nods. 

“Never mind, I’m an idiot, forget I said anything.”

Kono duct tapes his mouth shut while he’s still talking and Buck cracks up laughing, as does Lou. 

“Okay, anyway, we’re assuming a four day mission,” continues Buck, refocusing on the important part. “If we were just getting Steve, it would be a quick in and out, but if he’s still alive after all this time, it’s obvious that he won’t be leaving without Doris.”

Lou looks as worried as the rest of them. “What if she won’t leave?”

Buck’s resolute in his response. “She’ll be leaving. Whether or not that’s in a body bag is up to her.”

“I can get to LA by 10,” says Junior, interrupting hurriedly. “Then I can head out with you.”

Buck shakes his head. “I’m afraid not, kid. This isn’t a mission for you.”

Junior manages to look simultaneously indignant and pissed off. “I’m a SEAL, same as you.”

“You’re absolutely right that you’re a SEAL. From all reports, a damn good one. But you are also absolutely wrong thinking you’re the same as me. You’re a good man,” says Buck. “I’ve seen the reports on most of your missions.”

“So you know what I can handle.”

“I do. You can’t find the reports on my missions. Or most of Steve’s. Or any of SEAL team 9.”

Junior pauses. “SEAL team 9 is a myth.”

“And it will stay that way,” says Buck firmly. “The point stands though. Can you sit here and tell me that if Steve is screaming at you not to pull the trigger, that you can take the shot that kills his mother? Can you live knowing you might have to take an action that will make him hate you forever? Because I don’t think you can. More importantly, I don’t think you want to.”

“It might not come to that,” protests Junior. 

“It might not. I certainly hope it doesn’t. But I am prepared to take the steps if needed.” Buck does his best to stay as patient as possible. He has a mission that he needs to prep for and while he understands Junior’s frustration about not being able to be a part of it, there’s no argument. “Look, end of the day, I’m sorry Junior, but it’s a no. I’ll call as soon as we’re out.”

Adam stops him before he can end the call. “Buck, what if something happens to you guys?”

Buck grins. That feral grin of his that tends to make his enemies scatter. It also makes his husband drop to his knees at the sight, though that doesn’t do much good when Eddie’s on a plane to Hawaii. “Adam. If something happens to us, you’ll know. We’d leave the city burning on every news channel in the world, while we dance on the graves of the cartel.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! So sorry, but I have to have a teeny rant. Cuz I’ve now finished H50 and I just, between both of these shows the “no homo” reaction is so annoying. Like, I see no reason Buck/Eddie can’t get together. It’s a Ryan Murphy show on Fox, come the fuck on. On H50 (in the early seasons at least), I can kind of get it. As a CBS procedural, their viewing bread and butter is like the bible belt so okay, we won’t get McDanno. I just hate how shows can’t just be like hey, we’re still going to have this amazing friendship and even though we won’t let them be romantic for whatever nonsense reason, we won’t screw with the bond. Instead it’s like showrunners bend over backwards to scream “no homo” about them.   
> But on the manna for a shipper souls front, I love that 9-1-1 is like hey Buck is like a bro to Eddie, even though he’s literally like ‘oh cool, my sister’s alive’ after a hostage situation, but when Eddie’s trapped underground, that boy puts on a dramatic reaction that would rival the combined efforts of Rachel Berry and Sharpay Evans.   
> Lastly (and then I’m done cuz the notes can’t be longer than the story) from S7 on, McDanno is basically a married couple without sex except for the random eps when they “date” someone and by S9 & S10 it’s even better and I’m firmly convinced that’s because Peter Lenkov wasn’t as hands on anymore because he was working on MacGyver and then MacGyver & Magnum PI.

Eddie lands right on time in Hawaii, working his way outside to find Lou waiting at the curb. The policeman walking the pick-up zone looks annoyed, but Eddie’s willing to bet that Lou flashed his Five-0 badge and refused to circle the lot while he waited. 

“Thanks for picking me up Lou,” he says, swinging into the SUV. 

“Thank you for coming,” answers Grover. His worried dad face looks just like it did in their earlier video chats. “Maybe you’ll be able to get through to Danny.”

Eddie frowns. “I’m not sure getting through is necessary, I’m just here for support. And, if all goes well with Buck’s plan, to get Steve back to him.”

Lou nods. “Of course. Didn’t really mean Danny was in the wrong, he’s just not talking to any of us and it hurts to see our brother in so much pain.”

“Yeah, I get that. Listen, can you stop by a grocery store on the way? Who knows what’s still edible at the house, I’d like to get a few things so I don’t have to worry.” Eddie grins. “And maybe a quick stop at Kamekona’s shrimp truck?”

Lou laughs and takes the next exit. “Food is always the best place to start.’

* * *

Steve’s house is immaculate. The doorknob glints in the sun when Eddie walks up, Lou following behind with the groceries, and when Eddie enters at the house after no answer to his knock, the cleanliness shocks him. Worries him at the same time. 

If Steve were there, clean might make some sense. Not a lot, since between Grace’s visits home, Charlie being at the prime age to be the dirtiest kid ever, Nahele popping in and out for laundry and home-cooked meals, and the rotating cycle of the Five-0 ohana, there should be a mess. But Steve’s a born and bred Navy man, so clean makes sense. The idea that everything has its place, so take the time to put it there, is something that every branch of the military drills into you during training. 

But the thing is, Danny’s not military. 

He’s also contrary and stubborn as hell and over the years, one of the things that Eddie’s learned is that Danny is a messy individual. He is the kind of person who organizes based on piles and stacks. A lesser person might say that Danny is an absolute slob if left to his own devices.

But this? This house could pass a BUDs instructor’s inspection. Easily.

Lou makes motions towards the kitchen and Eddie nods. He appreciates the help putting things away. It doesn’t seem like Danny’s in the house anyway. 

Eddie puts his suitcase in the downstairs visitor room first. Through the window, he can see Danny sitting in a chair on the beach. He says a quick goodbye to Lou, assures him that he’ll be in touch and will definitely come visit the rest of the Five-0 team, while making sure Lou knows that he won’t be giving them updates. 

The man doesn’t fight him about it. They both know that the only way something will change with Danny’s mental and emotional state is Steve coming home. And even then, Eddie’s worried. 

Eddie makes his way outside with two beers from the fridge. Which is about all the fridge has in it. He calls out when he’s a dozen yards out. “Danny?!”

Danny’s head twitches in acknowledgement of someone’s presence, but he doesn’t turn to look, so Eddie just continues until he’s sitting in the other chair, in Steve’s chair, and passes Danny a beer. They both take several long pulls off their drinks before Danny finally speaks. “I don’t know why you keep showing up Rey, but it’s not going to change…” he looks over and seems to realize that Tani Rey is not the one next to him. “Eddie? When did you get here?”

“Flight landed about an hour ago.”

“Where’s the rest of the family?” asks Danny. “Wish you’d called first, I could have told you that it’s a terrible time to come visit us.” His voice breaks on the last few words.

“I did call first, Danny,” says Eddie, cutting him off before Danny has to try to get through an explanation about Steve. “That’s why I’m here. Didn’t really seem like you should be alone right now.”

Danny inhales slowly. Exhales are just as slow and steady. “Buck come with you?”

“No. Only one of us could take the time off and away from Christopher at such short notice,” he lies. “And we figured that of the two of us, Buck probably wouldn’t be too helpful.” At least that part is true. Even if Buck hadn’t been planning the rescue mission, they were both in agreement that a former Navy SEAL wasn’t going to be of much use to a man furious at his own SEAL.

“Seems like you might not be helpful too, Army boy,” grumbles Danny. “Aren’t you duty driven and all that shit too?”

Eddie takes a drink and lets Danny stew in his resentment for a moment. “I take a lot of pride in my time with the Army. I worked with some wonderful people and it made me the man I am today. But I joined up because I was running. I was young and dumb and very lost and I thought the Army had my answers. They had some. Others I had to figure out on my own. But I didn’t serve the way Buck and Steve did. They chose that life and they chose to leave it. We aren’t the same.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” asks Eddie, after it’s quiet for a while. 

Danny shakes his head but talks anyway. Typical, thinks Eddie, inwardly amused. 

“I always figured I’d end up outliving Steve, you know? Like, for all the shit I give him about getting me shot--and he does that quite often--something in the pit of my stomach always knew death would catch him first. He was only going to get so many chances. I just...I thought I’d be there. Have the chance to hold his hand and tell him it was okay.”

“You would have told Steve it was okay to go?”

Danny grimaces. “Well no. I probably would have said he’s an asshole and a neanderthal and a few other things and he would have said I love you and I would have said he’s an asshole again and that I love him too.” Danny breaks back down into tears. “Instead I get cold dog tags from the spook that sent my husband to his death.”

It absolutely kills Eddie that he can’t tell Danny they think Steve’s alive. That a rescue mission starts in the next 12 hours. He wants to. Danny’s a shell of the man he knows and false hope means nothing. Might mean less than nothing if Buck fails. Eddie’s confident in Buck’s abilities, but this is a different world and there’s always a dangerous chance. He focuses on the way Buck told him that most of them are fallible, there’s always a chance there’s a bad guy out there that can take them down. But Buck also is always telling him that no one is weak if they have a team. And that as long as Bucky shows up, he might come out of a mission beat to hell, but he’ll make it out. 

Eddie’s also relatively certain that until Danny can touch Steve for himself--even a video chat probably won’t convince him--nothing Eddie could say would register. Instead he just holds Danny’s hand, doesn’t fill the empty space with emptier words, and watches the sun set.

* * *

The next day is almost rougher. Eddie can’t call Buck for updates. (Their last conversation was as Buck boarded the plane.) He’ll have to fake a call later tonight, since it wouldn’t make sense otherwise, but for the day, he’s committed to trying to make Danny feel a little better. 

The struggle is in how. If Steve was actually dead, Eddie would be trying to help Danny rearrange a few things in the house, make it feel a little less haunted, start arranging next steps. But Eddie’s not interested in tempting fate. And it seems kind of mean, in a way, to suggest something untrue, and have Danny mistrust him in the future. 

But he also can’t insist Danny live his life normally and promise it will all be okay. That’s not fair any more than the other approach is. 

He starts with a late breakfast, which turns into a disaster far faster than Eddie expects. 

Danny kind of slumps his way into the kitchen, zoning in on the fresh pot of coffee and pouring himself a cup. Eddie’s already put fruit and some malasadas out, the latter of which he got on his run this morning. Danny doesn’t say much, just kind of mumbles his way through the first several bites, looking disdainfully at the slices of pineapple. 

He’s halfway through his second malasada when he finally looks up and sniffs the air uncertainly. “Eggs?” he asks. 

Eddie nods. “Just scrambled. Figured that was easiest. If you usually make your eggs another way, I don’t mind.”

“I always mess up eggs,” replies Danny. “Steve makes my eggs. Made. Shit.” The malasada in his hand turns to crumbs as Danny’s fist clenches. 

Shit, thinks Eddie. He turns the stove off in a hurry, carries the entire skillet outside where he gives a scoop to dog!Eddie and finishes off the rest in several too big and too hot bites before he comes back inside. 

Danny’s frozen at the counter when he comes back, and it takes a long time before he’s willing to start talking. 

Eventually, Eddie convinces Danny to go out for something to eat--nothing too familiar, just out. Danny goes, slow and grumbly, and Eddie spends most of the time talking more than he ever has, telling stories of Buck and Christopher and the 9-1-1 and as many things as he can think of to fill the silence. 

Sometimes it feels useless, but by the end of the day, when they go back out to the beach chairs, beers in hand, Danny seems to be breathing a little easier.

* * *

The tension in Danny’s shoulders grows the next morning, when Eddie suggests he spend time with some of the Five-0 team. 

“I can’t be at work right now,” insists Danny. “It’s bad enough at home, but there, with all the pity and their own sorrow...I can’t do it.”

“I’m not asking you to go down to the Palace,” argues Eddie. “I’m saying let’s go get lunch and you pick one friend to invite.”

“You.”

“Try again. Look, Danny, I get it. I really do. But at some point, you’re going to have to go back to work. Charlie can’t stay with Rachel forever and Grace will want to come visit. Don’t alienate the people who care about you.” Eddie does his best not to phrase it as moving on. 

Danny still seems annoyed by the whole endeavor. “Fine. Text Tani and ask her. Lou’s just going to make me sad and I can’t deal with Junior. Adam always wants to talk about feelings too much.”

“What about Kono?” asks Eddie. 

Danny shakes his head. “I don’t think we’re good for each other right now. We tend to have similar reactions to shit.”

“Got it.” Eddie reaches out to Tani, makes sure she thinks she can handle being a friend to Danny without giving anything away. 

She says yes and proves to be more than capable. They get pizza and Tani spends the afternoon arguing the finer points of managing a perfect fantasy draft. Danny doesn’t engage a lot, but every so often she spouts off an opinion that clearly rankles and it only takes a little needling to get Danny to respond with his own arguments. 

“So is this your plan?” asks Danny when they get back to the house. “Keep going to lunch, bring a different person along each time until I move on?”

“Is that what you want?” asks Eddie in return.

“What I want is my husband,” snaps Danny. “I wanted him to choose me. To choose our family and our life and not go chasing after the ghost of his parents. But I don’t get what I want.”

* * *

Around 9pm that night, Eddie gets a text from Buck. 

_ We got Steve. He’s alive and physically healthy.  
Doris is dead. _

There’s another text with the address of a hotel in Washington D.C. Then one more.

__ You and Danny get here asap. Steve   
needs Danny, badly. Will update soon.  
I love you, carino.

Eddie books the 10:50 on American Airlines as fast as possible, throws his things into his bag and is dressed in minutes. Danny’s watching TV downstairs, well more like the TV is on and Danny’s sitting in front of it, and Eddie practically vaults down the staircase. 

“Danny!” he shouts. Finally, he gets to promise that everything will be okay. “They got him!”

“Got who?” asks Danny, his voice shaky.

“We got Steve,” answers Eddie, breathless with glee. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you before, but I didn’t want to give you unnecessary hope. But Buck rounded up their old team and they found him, they found him!”

Danny’s hands are quivering as they clench against his legs. “Is he? I mean, what’s his body…”

“Oh Jesus, Danny, no,” cries Eddie in a hurry. “He’s alive. Steve’s alive.”

Danny chokes. “He’s alive?”

“Yes, yes, he’s alive and he’s okay. Sort of. Doris is dead and Buck says whatever happened is not great and he’ll update me later on that, but we’ve got a flight at 10:50 to DC, let’s go, Danny, let’s go.”

“He’s alive,” says Danny, and his eyes swell with tears. 

Eddie pulls Danny up and hugs him tight. “He’s alive, Danny. Steve’s still here. Let’s go bring him home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m honestly not sure if it’d be more likely to see the sun rise or set from Steve’s place, but whatevs, I roll with it.   
> Btw, there is no such thing as a SEAL team 9. I didn’t want to use a real team’s number so I went with 9.   
> Reminder that I treat time with the same respect that #5 does on The Umbrella Academy.  
> Oh and chapter 3 will absolutely be the rescue. I’m not skipping over BAMF!Buck by any means.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s possible the compartmentalizing thing got away from me, but my brain was like hey before all the action in this chapter, let’s do some fucking character study introspection on Steve and his mommy issues. 
> 
> This was asked last chapter, so for clarification while none of the team is confused between Buck and Bucky, they do use Barnes on a mission to keep things easy.

Steve’s prided himself for years on his ability to compartmentalize. It’s one of the main reasons he rocketed up the ranks to his title of Commander. Had he not gone back to the reserves in order to take on the Five-0 task force, he most likely would have made it even higher. 

He’s exceptional at putting the personal to the side, focusing on what matters to accomplish the mission. Let him fall apart afterward, but in the moment, it’s game on. 

The only time he’d ever even come close to breaking that personal code was on his last mission, when Victor Hesse shot his father. 

Even then, he hadn’t really faltered. He’d been terrified and devastated, absolutely, but at the same time, he’d known that his actions that day wouldn’t have made a difference. John McGarrett was never going to live through that day. That wasn’t Hesse’s style. More importantly, or more accurately, as Steve had learned over the years, it also wasn’t Wo Fat’s style. 

He hadn’t given the governor’s invitation to form a task force any sort of serious thought when she offered. Why would he? He wanted to catch Victor Hesse and since the man was a wanted terrorist, the Navy was in full support of a mission in that regard. Even when Chin had mentioned the department putting a new guy, a haole, on the case, Steve’s brain had simply filed the knowledge away. 

It made sense that HPD wasn’t going to put a senior officer on the case. Technically, it was solved. The how and the catching part wasn’t, but they knew Victor Hesse shot John McGarrett. Federal agencies had made clear the priority of catching Hesse. In reality, putting HPD on the case was more an action in honor of the memory of one of their own, not about necessity. 

And then Steve met Danny Williams.

A force of nature like none other. Even when Danny found out who he was, he’d been empathetic, but every bit as firm. Steve wasn’t allowed to touch his father’s case. It rankled under his skin, made him itch, made the little boxes that kept everything separate and organized in his mind just fly apart. Suddenly he’d been swearing in to his new title over the phone and agreeing to drop to the naval reserves--a feat that was no doubt only accomplished because he had the influence of a governor behind him--and barely managing not to stick his tongue out at Danny and sing “nah, nah, nah nah nah”. 

Danny got under his skin that day and never really left. Steve’s not sure he’s ever managed to quite reorganize the little boxes in his mind again either. 

He had a team for years. Had more teams after that. People that mattered and still do. 

In Hawaii, in Five-0, and in Danny, he has ohana. 

And now. Now he’s standing in a janitor closet, putting away his equipment to preserve his cover, trying not to shake. 

The boxes for Doris have always been one of the few things that lasted through the years. Mom is one box. Mom he loves. Mom died when he was little. So that box is tucked away. And then she wasn’t dead and he thought the box would open up, but it’s just transparent. He can see inside. Sometimes he sees himself and Mary as kids, bereft and lost, staring at flames. Sometimes he sees memories of growing up. On very bad days, he sees Mom staring in the opposite direction while he screams her name. On those days, a young Wo Fat is usually in the box too. Mom watches him. 

Shelburne is a closed box. A neatly solved mystery that sometimes knocks over and makes the box that holds his feelings about Joe White feel a little shaky.

Then there’s the Doris box. Steve doesn’t trust that box. Sometimes it looks like the Mom box and it makes Steve nervous. Sometimes it’s like Shelburne, full of secrets. But mostly, it’s the one that catches all of his desires for a mom who loves him and his utter distrust of the woman who left. 

Danny hates Doris. Steve knows this. He knows that Danny tries to be nice, tries to be polite and remember that kids love their parents, but at the end of the day, there’s never been any love lost. 

He’d said something once, just once, while very drunk, and promptly apologized the next day. Said that it was one thing for Doris to say she was protecting her family with that faked car bomb and to disappear for years. But that Steve was a 35 year old Navy SEAL commander, who’s primary work was on black ops, and was more than capable of learning his mother was alive and keeping that secret. 

That’s a lie. 

Danny’s said something twice. But the other time was to Doris, and Steve wasn’t supposed to be anywhere near them at the time. That time, Danny’d told her to stay away and to drop the love bullshit. That a mom who loved her kid came to see him because she wanted to, not because she needed something.

Steve’s pretty sure that’s the day he fell in love with Danny.

Danny. Fuck. 

For years, Steve’s known that he’s got Danny at his six. Always. Danny will mouth off and yell at him and rant for days on end about the stupid, reckless moves he makes, but Danny’s always there. Has been since day one when he had absolutely no reason to be. He’s never had any reason to doubt that, but right now, Steve’s not so sure anymore. He might have messed up too much. 

The night he left, they fought and fucked and fought some more, but by the end of it, by the time Danny drove him to base to catch his first flight, Danny wasn’t yelling anymore. He’d just been quiet. Way too quiet. Some of their last words were Danny wondering when he was going to be enough and it’s been playing over and over in Steve’s head for months. 

And now, now he’s had the chance to finally make contact with Doris. To get her out. Instead she was pissed, told him not to blow this for her, then hit him across the head with his own gun. 

Maybe Danny was right. He should have shoved the file back in the CIA agent’s hands, told him to find someone else to get Doris. Should have accepted that he’s never really known the woman and acknowledged that his mother died years ago. The woman left in her place doesn’t love him, if she even knew how to love at all. 

But he’s here and because he is, he has to get both of them out now, and figure out a way to take down Carmen Lucia Perez, a plan which is now completely fubar.

* * *

There are men in his safe house. There’s noise on the streets, there’s always noise, he picked a touristy night-life heavy area of town for good reason, but there are shadows in the wrong places in his house. 

If they’re here, they know who he is, running is not an option.

He comes in swinging, using the volume of the partygoers as cover. There are three men in the room based on why they move at him. They seem like they’re just trying to subdue him, not to actually kill him, and Steve’s mind runs through several scenarios of why that cannot be an option. 

Steve knocks the wind out of one, starts to fall into an elbow drop, when the feeling of cold metal slides across his arm and stops him in his tracks. “Bucky?” asks Steve, though he knows that’s the only person it could be.

His lamp is switched on to reveal Eliot Spencer getting up from where Steve knocked him against the wall and looking pissy as hell, which Steve knows means that accident or not, Eliot will “accidentally” punch him in the face before this is over. Ding Chavez is groaning at his feet, still catching his breath. 

Bucky looks very over the entire thing, but considering that’s his default attitude unless his man’s around, Steve takes no insult. 

Before he can ask what the hell his favorite old team is doing here, Evan Buckley Spencer comes swinging through the window. 

Eliot rolls his eyes. “Seriously, Buck? Do you have to do that stupid move all the time? It’s bad enough any time I see news from LA, you’re pulling that stunt.”

“Aww,” retorts Buck. “I’m so flattered that you watch the news for me, cuz.” He looks at the mess of the room and snickers. “Told you guys he’d start throwing punches before you could get a word out.”

Steve just stands and breathes for a moment, not sure what to think of all of these guys suddenly at his side. “What are you all doing here?”

“Well, you weren’t answering your phone,” says Buck, “so I called Danny, except he wasn’t answering. I called Five-0 to see if you were undercover or something and found out Danny quit and they all thought you were dead.”

“Dead…?” falters Steve. He’s not even sure how to address the Danny quit part. That’s a lot for his brain to process. “But the dog tags…the CIA should have pictures of the site.”

Buck rolls his eyes. “Dude. You’re talking about excellent police officers. You left a clue that a lot of intelligence agents wouldn’t pick up on. The CIA sure as hell didn’t.”

“But you did?”

“I had the pleasure and the misfortune to fight at your side for several years,” answers Buck, but he gives Steve a fond look. 

“Oh shit,” says Steve, thinking. “I have to call Danny. Do any of you have a secure sat phone on you? If he thinks…” His voice trails away. Not if. Danny has to think he’s dead. If they were given Steve’s dog tags and the CIA hadn’t picked up on the clues, that’s months with no word and no intel and Steve knows Danny, knows his team, they would have looked on their own but he’s been way too good to get caught on any sort of camera that Five-0 could access. He’s willing to bet good money that the only reason his old team is here is because Eliot’s got one hell of a hacker in his new team.

Buck is shaking his head at him. “I’m sorry, Steve, but you can’t call Danny yet. Not until we get out of here.”

Steve protests. “But Buck...it’s Danny.” He needs to talk to his husband. He needs...fuck, he needs to not be breaking down into tears right now, in a tiny little studio behind a dance club in Mexico City. He’s got months old beard growth and his hair’s unruly as shit and he hasn’t felt clean in weeks and all Steve wants right now is to hear his husband’s voice. Steve gives up on trying to keep the tears at bay. 

He lets Buck reel him into a hug, none of the others looking uncomfortable at all. Buck’s hugs are everyone’s favorites. He’s the baby of the team, the little brother to them all, but he’s also the tallest and broad as hell. When he hugs you, it’s kind of like the world goes away for a minute. 

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” whispers Buck. “You can’t call though. It’s not fair, Steve. Danny’s grieving, he’s lost and while we have every intention of getting all of us out alive and quickly, it may not happen. If you give Danny hope and that hope disappears again, he may never recover.”

Steve breathes slowly and nods, stepping back as Buck releases him. “Okay, okay, you’re right. But you know I can’t go with Doris. I can’t just leave her here.”

Eliot grins. “One retrieval specialist, at your service.”

“And we have to take out Carmen Lucia if I don’t want to spend the rest of my life in a secret dungeon at the CIA.”

Buck makes a sort of snarling noise at that, one that makes all of the other men in the room look at him a little differently. Steve forgets that he sees Buck the most, so he’s seen how the man’s become a husband and a father and a thousand times more protective. The others still see the kid who was figuring out who he was and what he’d survived. 

“I’ll take care of Lucia,” drawls Bucky and well yeah, Barnes is one hell of a sniper.

Buck’s eyes are fire as they look at Steve. “The CIA can’t have any of us and they sure as fuck can’t have you.”

* * *

A plan comes together, though Steve can tell the others are worried about him. It’s fair. He’s been shoving a lot of things into those little boxes in the back of his mind so he doesn’t have to think about the realities that surround him. 

“Have you been able to make contact with your mom, with Doris?” asks Buck as they all settle in. 

Steve nods. “Today was the first time. I had to lay low for a while so the cartel was certain I was dead. I only got back to surveillance about six weeks ago and this was my first chance to make contact without compromising her cover.”

“And?” asks Ding. He’s sitting by the window, gun across his lap, watching the movement in the streets outside. A good choice too. The toughest thing about this mission is that Steve’s Spanish is laughable at best. He has to come back and translate most of what he hears. Chavez, like the rest of them, speaks several languages, but he’s probably the best Spanish speaker. Buck’s a close second and probably better after so many years around his husband’s family. 

He focuses on Ding’s question. “And I tossed her a lifeline and she cut the rope. Something’s wrong. I haven’t been able to gather what exactly, but I think Doris is unstable here. We need to get her out. I won’t leave otherwise.” He needs his team to understand that. 

Buck’s got a hand on his shoulder, grounding him. “Hey. I brought the team here to get both of you. No one’s leaving her behind.” Buck’s voice is steady as he speaks and Steve knows he can trust it. 

“Unfortunately,” says Eliot, “My guy got some information that concerns us. Doris made a couple of trips to a Swiss bank, ducking Lucia’s men and the CIA in doing so.”

“And?” snaps Steve.

It’s Buck that answers, that edge of steel coming through. “And as much as you may want to believe that your mom is one of the good guys, the evidence doesn’t speak to that.”

“If we extract her and she’s been working an angle we can’t see, the CIA might not let her go,” finishes Barnes. “Are you prepared for that?”

“I can’t live in a hole in the wall in Mexico forever and I can’t leave without her,” says Steve. “So we go in as a team, get her out, take down Lucia, worry about the rest later.”

Eliot rolls his eyes. “And if you were doing this on your own, how the hell do you think this would be happening?”

Steve gets up. Throws open the doors to the armoire where he’s got enough ingredients to blow up a few city blocks. He shrugs, not really feeling a need to explain any further. 

Buck looks intensely judgmental and Steve resists the urge to comment. Just because Buck was always a fan of being stealthy, doing the ridiculous ninja shit. If there’s anyone who should never be an assassin, it’s Buck. They all have their skillsets, but for some reason it’s the Buck and Bucky of the group that are the best at killing without getting caught. 

Steve and Ding prefer explosions.

Eliot just likes punching people.

What can he say, everyone needs a hobby.

* * *

The plan is fairly easy. Lucia’s got a shipment coming in tomorrow. By himself, he was going to roll with several explosions as a distraction, send Doris running, then blow up the last warehouse. 

“It’s going to be tight,” says Chavez, looking over the plans.

“That’s what he said,” mutters Barnes. 

Buck snickers. 

Ding looks at them, confused.

“Seriously dude?” says Buck. “Ugh, good jokes are lost on straight people.”

Steve ignores them, circles their target areas of extraction and surveillance. We only get one chance to do this right.” He stops for a moment and looks around at the men surrounding him, at his brothers. “Thank you. Are you guys sure about this? Look, I appreciate all that you’ve done, but if this goes sideways, this isn’t a group that will kill you and call it a day. And no one else is coming to rescue us. You guys have families. I’d understand if it’s too much.”

“You have a family too,” says Ding, checking a gun and passing it over to Barnes.

“And don’t insult me,” growls Eliot. “I have back-up plans B, C, D, M, and Q in the event this goes sideways.”

“What happens in plan M?” asks Steve, curious in spite of himself. 

“Hardison dies,” says Buck and curses when Eliot flicks him on tthe head. “The fuck. You’re the one who says it. And he’s not even here.”

“So.”

Buck gives Steve a look of pure seriousness. “Look, Steve, we all get that this isn’t an easy mission and that it’s certainly not sanctioned. But I’ll never forget what one of my team said years ago. We were headed into a bad situation after an earthquake and our Captain stopped and told two of our team that it was okay if they didn’t want to go, if they wanted to help elsewhere, that they should remember they had families. Hen looked right at him and said she hoped that if it was her kid who needed help, someone would walk into the rubble for him.”

“Everybody owns their own choices and actions,” adds Barnes. “Don’t take that away.”

Steve nods and feels like he can breathe again, at least a little. “Thank you,” he repeats, meaning it with every fiber of his being.

* * *

Steve honestly forgot how good this feels. He loves his Five-0 team and has no interest in going back to the SEALs. Especially considering he’d be working with people he doesn’t know. But this team. These are his brothers. 

And unlike the task force, which yes has immunity and means but still has paperwork, he’s not looking out for people that don’t have the same level of training. He trusts his team, beyond anything, but these guys are seamless. 

There’s a good fifty men at the docks for the shipment, but between the bombs that he and Ding placed earlier (and that Ding is taking a gleeful delight in setting off at regular intervals) and Barnes’ insane accuracy with a sniper rifle, it’s a matter of moments before they’re at the edge of the warehouse. 

They’d insisted that Steve take minimal risk in the beginning, they need him to get Doris, so he watches and provides cover. 

Buck is ridiculous. The rest of the team shoots and moves forward as they gain ground. Buck starts out in the thick of things. 

He drops out of nowhere to snap a neck, spins upward, firing in unison as he regains his feet, before he rolls to cover.

Steve has a tendency to forget just how good at this Buck is and not for the first time, wishes he could convince them to move to Hawaii. 

Though to be fair, Buck’s made it clear that he prefers saving people to killing them and would probably just end up at the Honolulu fire department anyway. 

It’s only a handful of minutes before Buck is taking out the last couple of men at the edge of the warehouse door closest to Steve, and motioning him inside. 

Steve sees his mom, sees Doris, but there’s no sign of Carmen Lucia and that worries him. But he focuses his attention on Doris, on what matters. She’s got her gun pointed at him and he pushes, telling her to do it already, pull the trigger. Confirm that she’s only been out for herself for years. 

He explains just how bad Carmen Lucia is, how awful the files are. The woman doesn’t just kill. She doesn’t torture for information. There’s a dark, sadistic twist in all of those files. 

He’d figured Doris couldn’t have had all of that information. Except he’s wrong. His mom is standing in front of him, saying she knew all of it, knew exactly what it would take to bring down Carmen Lucia, what it would take to get close to her and suddenly, with overwhelming clarity, Steve gets it. 

“You killed your partner, didn’t you?” he asks, not really wanting the clarification. He’s always thought his mother loved her country more than her family and he could understand that, because once upon a time, he thought the same. 

“Think about my loss!” his mother is screaming. “A family that never understood me. Who never understood my sacrifices.”

“Don’t say you made those sacrifices for us.” She couldn’t have. She didn’t. If she’d really done all of that for them, she would have made sure his dad kept them. That they wouldn’t get sent away from their home. She wouldn’t have allowed for clues to be dropped, bringing him closer to her. She would have been honest with him from the moment he found her again and he would have let her leave to be safe, as long as he knew the why behind her actions. 

But instead, Steve stands there and listens to his mother try to excuse her actions and he doesn’t know this woman at all. 

He’s so focused on Doris, that he misses the movement in the shadows, doesn’t see Lucia until she’s shooting him in the chest. His tactical gear protects him, but he’s knocked back and when he comes to, Lucia’s got Doris held tight against her, gun moving back and forth between them.

In a reminder of exactly why Carmen Lucia has the reputation that she does, the cartel leader wastes little time in petty banter, moving from demanding explanations to stabbing Doris, a brutal move as Lucia pulls the knife up, slicing through organs and ensuring a quick death. Steve’s trying to move and gunfire rings out as he does. 

Buck’s firing rapidly, stopping Lucia’s ability to shoot Steve first, before continuing to fire until the woman lying on the ground, no life left in her.

Steve falls to his knees at Doris’s side, begs her to hold on, begs anyone who might listen for a miracle, for something that will say this isn’t real.

And then it’s over. Doris is dead, her blood covering the ground at their feet.

His mom is dead. Steve’s mom is dead. 

Again.

The world around him fades as he sits on the ground next to his mother’s body. Nothing makes sense anymore.

* * *

Steve's not really sure how exactly they get out of there. 

Doris is dead. 

He knows Carmen Lucia is dead too. They didn't even need Barnes for the sniper hit, not with the way Buck moved, like a deadly dance. 

But it's done now and they're getting into the plane and Steve feels like he should be looking behind him, yelling at his mom, “come on come on! Get in, let's go!” But she’s not there. She’s on the plane already, zipped into a black body bag, Chavez standing guard while the rest hustle him away. 

Buck’s at his side, pushing him. Was he not moving? Steve wonders, confused. Maybe he wasn’t moving. “Come on, Steve,” says Bucky. “That’s it. One step at a time, keep going, okay, jump up into the plane, we gotta go Steve, that’s it.” A constant stream of words and Steve doesn’t understand anymore. 

He was supposed to get them out, he was supposed to be able to fix this. 

Buck’s making him sit and Ding’s across from him, big and strong and Steve tries to look around, but Buck’s fastening a harness on him and yelling for Barnes to “Take us up Barnes, we’re in, let’s roll!”

Steve let’s them move him around. Lets them tell him what to do. If he doesn’t, he worries they’ll make him figure it out and right now, Steve isn’t really sure who he is anymore. The little brother he always wanted is there though, sitting next to him, reaching his hand out. 

Steve reaches back. Holds on tight. And tries to breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is Buck's POV


	4. Chapter 4

Buck tries to sleep on the plane to D.C., at least a little. They’d faced resistance on their call to Langley, with The Agency insisting that Doris’s rogue status meant she couldn’t be buried at Arlington. Ding had pushed back on that, saying that the mission was completed, Carmen Lucia was dead, and the organization temporarily crippled, ripe for a full scale takedown. When the boss spooks held firm, Bucky made a couple of quiet calls. They were just lifting off the ground when they got the response. All was settled. Reality of her actions aside, Doris McGarrett would be buried at Arlington National Cemetery, with full honors. 

Buck shifts a little, trying to get comfortable. It’s funny how he used to be at ease with the idea of getting a few hours of shut-eye sitting upright on a plane. He’s spoiled now. 

The other problem is that Steve is just staring into space, not seeming to really register any of them. His movements since the warehouse have been autopilot at best. 

Ding, bless his heart, at least tries. “Your mom will be remembered for all the good she did, Steve. You saved part of her, even if you couldn’t save her. You did your best, man.”

“Good? What good?” asks Steve, his voice a hoarse whisper.

Bucky stays silent in the front of the plane, while Ding and Eliot look at each other, lost on how best to approach. 

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, Buck’s pretty sure he knows how to handle Steve’s mindset. It’s going to involve Buck revealing some truths about his background, things he’s never really confirmed to anyone but Eddie and John. 

“You know, I hated my mom for a long time,” he says into the quiet void of the plane. “And it seemed so fucked up you know? My dad spent my entire life beating the absolute shit out of me. I don’t mean like I got knocked around a bit either. You ever had your back ripped open by a belt buckle? And then have it happen again and again and again?” Buck steels himself against the emotional suction of the memory, focusing on what matters. “And those were the better days.”

He knows his team isn’t exactly surprised by the idea that he was an abused kid. They worked together long enough that everyone saw his scars. Besides that, Buck knows the stories came through from BUD/s. Not in a gossipy sort of way, but his trainers looked out for him. He scared them a little bit, when he came through training. Not that he was the only one to react the way he did--he’s proof of a trend, not an anomaly. 

But it’s a rarer sort of trainee that doesn’t need to learn how to fight through pain to come out on the other side. Buck had arrived at training already knowing how to survive. He wanted to learn how to live. 

So yeah, that he was abused, isn’t so much of a shocker. 

He ignores the looks that Eliot and Ding give him. Bucky isn’t saying anything from the cockpit, but then again, Buck’s always been more than a little convinced that Bucky is the reason his dad died while he was away on a mission, and didn’t find out until it was far too late to even need to worry about making excuses for why he wasn’t at the funeral or dealing with the estate. 

“Anyway,” he continues, “The point is that you’d think I would hate my dad the most. And I do. Don’t think that went away. But I hated her more for a long time. I used to say it was because she got to leave. She died and she got out of it, but I was still stuck with him. I started going to therapy though, once Eddie and I got serious.” 

He’d wanted to make sure he didn’t have anything buried deep within, something that could come out, a monster that might unleash on Christopher. Buck was not going to be his father and he’d deal with every demon imaginable to make sure of that.

“Turns out, I actually hated her more because she didn’t leave sooner. My dad was the monster, but I hated the woman who didn’t know how to leave him,” says Buck. Steve’s fists are clenched beside him, but he’s not making any other acknowledgement. “It wasn’t fair, obviously, and I get that. But it didn’t change my feelings either. I hated her, for a long time. And I learned that was okay. It was okay for me to feel what I felt, to be a little bit irrational, to own my emotions.”

He lets the quiet simmer over all of them, not feeling a need to push. Eventually, Steve breaks the silence.

“I never really mattered to Doris. I thought I did. I thought, you know, after Wo Fat was dead, or after her handle was compromised, she’d come around. I thought maybe there’d be letters or something. Maybe a coded journal where she once in a while acknowledged her children.” Steve runs his fingers through his hair. “Every time she came around, it was just for her. Just selfish. And I fell for it every time.”

Buck leans against Steve, letting the pressure of another help him find his center. “It’s not a bad thing to trust your mother, Steve.”

“I never did though,” says Steve. “I love her and I always wanted to believe she loved me, but I never trusted her. She never let me. But I kept showing up like a fucking idiot.”

After a long moment, Steve shudders through a deep breath. “I don’t think Danny will ever forgive me this time.”

It’s Eliot who laughs first. “You’d be surprised how much the people who love you can forgive. I know I was. But Parker and Hardison’s capacity to love me far outweighed the credit I gave them. I’ve seen the way Eddie loves Buck. We all love hard and fast and with everything we’ve got.”

“And in my experience,” adds Buck, “We’ve all done a damn good job of finding people who love us just as much. Danny’s no different. Have faith in him.”

* * *

When they land, Buck lets the rest of the team handle the transition of bodies and getting Steve to the hotel they’d booked. He needs to get to Eddie and Danny and make sure they know what they’re walking into. He slips away while Steve is still numbly going wherever he’s led. 

At the hotel, Buck swings by the front desk to get a key, takes the stairs over waiting on the elevator. 

Danny’s pacing the room as he enters, clearly on edge, while Eddie’s sitting in a chair, looking like he’s given up trying to stop Danny from pacing and is just waiting for news. 

“Buck!” says Eddie, his face lighting up with a smile. 

Buck knows he has to smell disgusting right now, everything about him an absolute disaster after the last 72 hours, but he wraps his arms around his husband and just soaks him in for a minute. It’s only a quick minute though; he knows Danny matters more right now. “He’ll be here soon, Danny, the rest of the team is bringing him over, I wanted to make sure I had time to fill you in on what happened. Just, give me one second okay?”

He doesn’t wait for Danny’s answer, just tilts Eddie’s chin up and kisses him like he’s been gone three years instead of three days. “I love you so fucking much, Diaz,” he says, when he pulls back and Eddie goes a little weak in the knees against him. 

“Diaz-Buckley to you,” returns Eddie, pressing a kiss to Buck’s jaw. “Now, what happened? Did you get Steve’s mom?”

Buck sobers quickly and sits down, motions for the others to do the same. Danny perches on the back of a chair, while Eddie slides in next to Buck on the couch, putting a hand on his thigh in comfort and reassurance. 

“Doris is dead,” he explains. “It’s bad, Danny. She was going for a payday, had definitely gone dark, and it was…” he hesitates, not even sure how to bring up exactly what Steve’s mindset is. “God, Danny, he’s messed up in a lot of ways over this. Just...how much does Steve talk about his mom?”

Buck’s not at all trying to second guess Steve and Danny’s relationship, but he also knows that it took him a hell of a long time to be able to really speak honestly with Eddie about his past and it’s not like Steve’s any better at digging into his emotions. None of them are, except for Ding, and that’s a maybe.

Danny gives him a deeply sorrowful look. “Did you ever meet Joe White?” he asks.

Buck nods. “I’m not a fan. The man’s a snake.”

“I think he’s the worst sort of cancer,” says Danny. “Every time he comes around, it’s like everything about Steve’s emotional state turns toxic. And yet compared to Doris McGarrett, I would consider Joe White to be a wonderful man and an excellent influence. I’m no stranger to the nightmare that is Steve’s mother.”

“I’m sorry,” says Buck. “I don’t mean to overstep. But…”

“You haven’t been doing well Danny,” says Eddie.

Danny nods. “You’re absolutely right. I have been doing terribly, because I thought my husband was dead because the government and his mother once again decided to fuck with his head and his life. But Steve’s alive, because of you and your team.” Danny runs his hands through his hair, making it look crazier than it did, but he at least seems to be a little less frenzied. “Look, Steve and I obviously have a pretty epic fight coming, but that will be private and when we are home. If he needs to breathe away from me, it will be when I know every house he could go to and that they will text me every detail of his emotional state, while judging me on mine. I love my husband. I’ve got this, Buck.”

Buck acquiesces. That’s all he really needs to know. He’d expect the same courtesy. He hands Danny the other key he’d picked up from the desk. “Your room is 1602,” he says. “Ding just texted, they’ll have Steve here in 15 minutes.”

* * *

As soon as Danny’s gone, Buck takes a moment to savor kissing his husband, not really wanting to ever move again. But…

“I’m going to shower, because I am disgusting,” says Buck. “Can you order me like three burgers and whatever else you want from room service, courtesy of the CIA?”

Eddie laughs and nods. “Yeah, go, because I love you baby, but you do smell ripe.”

Buck starts stripping on his way into the bathroom, just the act of taking his shoes off feeling absolutely amazing. “Maybe see if our teenage son can deign to skype with his old man?”

“You do realize that you’re barely mid-30s, right?” asks Eddie.

“I meant you, my silver fox,” snickers Buck, shutting the bathroom door behind him before Eddie can throw one of his shoes.

He stays in the shower way too long, using up an entire bar of hotel soap to scrub away all the dirt and blood and grime of the mission. By the time he’s feeling deliciously prune-like, the water’s cooled and he feels mildly like himself, albeit exhausted.

Dinner’s arrived when Buck emerges. He tugs on sweats and one of Eddie’s t-shirts and practically inhales one of the burgers before Eddie’s finished cutting his steak. 

“S’cuse me?” he offers halfheartedly.

“Not offending me at all, babe,” replies Eddie. “We work in a firehouse remember? Scarfing down food is an art form at this point.”

They call Christopher once Buck feels like the edge is taken off his hunger. It’s the end of dinner time at Pepa’s, who waves a quick hello before leaving them to their family conversation.

None of their family knows the real reason for their departure, having only been told they needed to go to a funeral for an old military friend. They hadn’t known how Buck’s mission would turn out, but knew that was a good enough reason to go suddenly and need a place for Christopher to stay, but also sad enough they wouldn’t have to come up with excuses to cover up the reality. 

Christopher is still a pretty sweet kid, but he’s also 15, and since they’ve only been gone a few days, isn’t that interested in talking to his dads. Not when whatever the latest gaming obsession is calling his name. 

They gather up the mess of dishware from their food and place the tray just outside the door to be picked up, then brush their teeth and Eddie changes into comfort clothes as well, taking one of Buck’s shirts instead of his own. 

Eddie turns on the TV, flicks through until he finds a channel playing The Fast and the Furious. It’s their running joke that one of the movies from the franchise is always playing on a hotel TV.

Buck yawns and Eddie pats the spot next to him. “Come on, Buck, let’s go to sleep.”

Buck crawls up the bed and slides in next to Eddie. He curls into Eddie’s side, rests his head on his husband’s shoulder. “That sounds amazing. I’m so tired.”

He feels Eddie kiss the top of his head. “I figured as much,” says Eddie, pulling Buck in tighter. “At least the funeral isn’t until the afternoon, so you can sleep in.”

Buck nods, already fading. He’s asleep before Brian can pretend to like the blandest tuna fish sandwich ever made.

* * *

The funeral is simple, though well attended, as per Danny’s request. Since most of the intelligence community was unaware of Doris’s last motivations and actions, those who can attend do. There are a number of others too, filling it out to a decent crowd. 

Danny had asked Buck and the others if they could help with that, explaining that Steve would feel pressured to talk to people, to be a host--yes, even through his mother’s funeral--and that at least if there were a lot of people, he’d only have to speak in simple platitudes or shallow acceptance of sympathy. 

Too few people and they’d want to actually engage with Steve, and Danny was adamant that not be an option.

Still, observes Buck, staring daggers into the back of Agent Coen’s head, the same man who dragged Steve into this stupid mission in the first place, some don’t seem to understand the concept of respecting one’s grief.

The man won’t leave Steve alone, despite Steve clearly trying to step away, and Buck’s had quite enough. 

“Don’t talk to me,” snaps Steve, his voice quiet and brittle.

“We just need a little more intel, a few questions about what you learned from your mom before she died,” insists CIA Agent Coen. 

Buck slides up beside him. “I believe you were asked to leave.”

Coen glares at him. Buck returns the stare, completely unfazed. “Look kid, you broke about a dozen laws going down there and we are choosing to let that go because of what you accomplished, but I can be a lot less friendly if you prefer.”

“Bless your heart,” returns Buck, because he hasn’t spent years around Eddie’s Texas family without picking up a few more insults. In a quick, quiet move, he flicks his wrist and snaps the two middle fingers of Agent Coen’s closest hand. 

“Fuck!” hisses Coen, low enough that most can’t hear him. “Are you insane?!”

Buck smiles, all sweetness on his lips and danger in his eyes. “Not at all, Coen. But you knowingly forced Steve’s hand into this entire thing in the first place. Now, you and the Agency got what you wanted. Anything else that you need, learn to get your pathetic little hands dirty and do it yourself.”

“You won’t get away with this, you miserable little shit.”

Buck snaps his foot, the one in steel-toed combat boots, out hard, right into Coen’s kneecap. The man crumples towards the ground, Buck grabbing his collar and holding him up before he can cause a scene. “You forget who you’re talking to,” he whispers, his voice cold. “Now, as I said, either you can hobble away, never speak to Steve McGarrett or anyone close to him ever again, while insuring that should he need anything from you, the Agency will provide its utmost cooperation…”

Coen glares up at him, grimacing in pain. “Or?”

Buck shifts his eyes behind him to the treeline. “Or instead of having this conversation with me, you can continue it with Sergeant Barnes. Who, as I’m sure you know, is particularly adept at convincing people to see things from his perspective.”

Coen shudders. “Fine, Buckley. I’ll go. You’re a fucking dick.”

“It’s Buckley-Diaz,” he replies, flipping off the asshole as he hobbles away.

Buck turns back towards the small gathering of soldiers and spooks issuing their condolences to Steve just in time to catch Eddie in his arms. “Babe? You okay?”

“I’m great,” replies Eddie, muffling his voice into Buck’s collar. “It’s just that was the hottest thing I’ve ever fucking seen and I don’t think it’s okay to have a hard-on at a military funeral. So I’m just going to stand here and pretend I’m comforting you, if that’s okay.”

And well, yeah, that’s okay with Buck. He hugs Eddie back and does his best not to laugh.

* * *

The hotel door is still clicking shut behind them when Eddie’s shoving Buck up against the wall, tongue practically down his throat before Buck can even process his movements. “Are we supposed to be sad right now?” asks Eddie.

“What?”

“We were just at a funeral, are we still supposed to be sad?”

Buck shakes his head. Well, he tries, it’s a little difficult when Eddie’s biting and sucking marks into his neck and Eddie’s hands are fumbling at Buck’s belt. “No, she was a horrible person, we didn’t know her anyway, and Steve has Danny to take care of him now.”

Eddie reels back up, kisses Buck hard, his hands tangling in Buck’s hair. “Perfect.” 

A few seconds later, Eddie’s on his knees, yanking Buck’s pants and briefs down to his feet, and wrapping his mouth around Buck’s dick. And there are a lot, a LOT of reasons that Buck loves Eddie Diaz-Buckley, but this is a really important reason.

“I know I’m a medic and a firefighter, but the way you broke that guy’s fingers was insanely hot,” pants Eddie when he finally pulls off and takes a breath. His eyes are dark and his lips puffy and he’s literally the hottest thing Buck’s ever seen. Eddie’s gazing up at him, his breath whispering over Buck’s dick, making it twitch in response and Buck wants so much. 

“I love you so fucking much,” he says to Eddie because he has never and will never see the point of keeping such a thing to himself.

“I love you too,” replies Eddie. “Now fuck my face and tell me you love me some more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We will absolutely go back to Danny and Steve’s reunion in the next chapter. Buck and Eddie just needed their moments. 
> 
> I think two chapters left. One for Danny and Steve, from Danny's POV. And then one for Buck and Eddie. Reader's choice for which POV you want that one, Eddie or Danny.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized after the fact that I worded my question wrong, I meant to ask if ya'll wanted the last chapter to be from Eddie or Buck's perspective, since this one is all Danny. But I'm going to just roll with Eddie's perspective, because it's working better with what I've written for the final chapter so far.
> 
> Anyway, hope you like the chapter!

The first thing Danny thought when Eddie Buckley-Diaz showed up at his home was “oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.” Because with it came the sudden, terrifying realization Steve was really gone. 

He wouldn’t have said that he’d given up all hope, not completely, not without a body. But he thinks that some deep dark recess of his soul had accepted the truth and with Eddie’s arrival, the rest of him had to step in line. 

It’s not even surprising is the thing that gets him. It’s fucking Steve. Danny has known since day 1 that he’s going to lose this man in some bullshit fashion, because Steve has to be a fucking hero instead of being selfish just one goddamn time.

Danny’s spent years arguing that he’s always right and fucking  **_damnit_ ** he really didn’t want to be right about this.

Eddie’s at least one of the best people to have around when you’re grieving though. For all that the Five-0 team works on a task force, they aren’t first responders. They don’t deal with death in the same way. For them, death is a thing you catalog with other pieces of information. HPD gets there first to talk with the family or loved ones but if they get called in, it’s because someone (or a lot of someones) are lying through their teeth. 

But Eddie and Buck work in the moment of death--though of course they’d rather it be a moment of saving a life. Still, they work in the messy emotional part of the story, not the cleaner case-solving part. And Eddie’d lost his wife, years ago, and while Danny knows the circumstances aren’t quite the same (Eddie and Shannon had been separated for a while and only just attempting a new normal, that went to hell with her death. Plus Buck and Eddie are a far better fit according to both of them.) Eddie at least knows what it is to deal with that loss. 

He’s a comfort. 

He’s also an asshole. Eddie makes Danny do things like talk to other humans and eat food that isn’t out of a box and act like his life is supposed to go on. And Danny knows it is. He knows because he tells people this all the time. Because he has two and a half wonderful kids--the half being Nahele, who will always call Steve his favorite--and friends and a bigger family and people to live for. 

He just didn’t want to do it yet. 

And then Eddie becomes the second most important in the entire world to Danny. From this day on, whatever Eddie Buckley-Diaz wants, Danny will do everything in his power to give to him. Because it’s Eddie who says the two most important words Danny thinks he will ever hear. “Steve’s alive.”

* * *

Right now, as Danny sits in an empty hotel room and waits through a handful of minutes that seem excruciatingly long, there are so many things he wants to say to Steve. You asshole and I love you and I told you so and why don’t you ever fucking listen to me and I love you and don’t you ever scare me like that again and…

The door handle turns. Steve steps inside. A man Danny doesn’t recognize looks at Danny, clearly knows who he is, and nods briefly before stepping right back out. 

“Danny?” asks Steve and his voice should never be that shaky and uncertain, that’s not his husband, no one is allowed to break him down like this.

Every argument or question or thought flees Danny’s mind. “Babe,” he whispers hoarsely, voice suddenly gone.

And then Steve’s in his arms again. His lips are on his and he can barely taste Steve through the salty tears pouring down both their faces and Danny doesn’t care at all. He has his husband back again. Everything else will work out.

* * *

“Yeah um, can we just get like three orders of scrambled eggs, freshly scrambled, not the powdered crap from the buffet, bacon, wheat toast, maybe some fresh fruit, and coffee. Lots of coffee,” orders Danny quietly through room service.

Steve barely stirs next to him, having finally gone to sleep after several hours of crying and refusing to let go of Danny and a couple rounds of a level of philosophical introspection that made Danny ask more than once if Steve had hit a little pakalolo on the plane back.

Not that Danny was letting go of Steve either. He might never let him go again if he had his way about it. He slips into the shower while waiting on their food, leaving the door cracked just enough that he can hopefully hear if Steve starts moving around. Steve would be proud, thinks Danny ruefully, of his Navy-length shower. Usually Danny prefers to linger a bit, especially if he’s not paying the water bill. 

When he emerges, in clean sweats and feeling slightly more human, Steve is still asleep and the hallway quiet. Nothing of Steve’s is clean, not that Danny really wants to keep touching anything in Steve’s pack, and Danny was in such a hurry when they left Hawaii, he didn’t think to pack anything. Just when he’s considering calling the front desk to see how much he’d have to bribe the concierge with to get some clothes, there’s a soft knock at the door.

“Hey,” says Eddie quietly. 

Buck’s behind him, trying to take a tray out of a hotel employee’s hands, with the employee arguing back about it needing to go to the room. 

“Hi,” answers Danny to Eddie, while waving off the worker and scribbling a signature and tip on the bill. “What’s going on? Why is Buck awake? He’s literally been the complete opposite of a morning person any time I’ve ever interacted with him before 9am. Unless he’s on shift.”

Buck makes a face at him, but slips by to set the tray down gently before exiting their hotel room.

Eddie hands Danny a bundle of clothes. “I had prepacked some of Steve’s things before we left. Some sweats, t-shirts, khakis because SEALs are absurdly predictable.”

“What?”   
Eddie shrugs. “I figured when I got the news from Buck, there wouldn’t be a lot of time to think about anything but getting on a plane and it wasn’t like months of hiding in Mexico was going to allow for a lot of shopping. I brought suits for the funeral for both of you, the concierge said it will be delivered by noon.”

“Dry cleaning?”

“Kinda wrinkled after a flight from Hawaii to D.C.,” laughs Buck. “Anyway, we’re going to do a little sightseeing until the funeral at 5.”

Danny doesn’t exactly mean to look judgy at them, it’s just the combination of words don’t really scream this is definitely a normal thing to do. “You’re going sightseeing. Before the funeral.”

“I mean, I’m literally going for my brother, so before that, my husband and I are going to see the town,” returns Buck, looking utterly unremorseful. “If you need help with anything, just call us.”

“Actually,” says Danny, stopping Buck in his tracks. “Can you help make sure Doris’s funeral is well-attended? I don’t even care if you hire actors, but it’ll be easier for Steve if there are lots of people.”

“Sure...but really, Danny, are you sure a crowd is best?”

Eddie tugs at Buck’s arm. “We’ll figure it out. It’s easier, Buck,” he says to his husband. “Sometimes it's easier to make a lot of polite small talk than it is to make it through one well-meaning conversation.”

And yeah, that’s pretty much exactly what Danny meant. 

Buck nods. “Cool. I’ll just call Sharon, she’ll know how to find enough people last minute. The woman’s like the most efficient badass I’ve ever met. Says she gets it from her aunt.”

Danny shuts the door quietly behind them and sets Steve’s clothes on a chair. He sits on the edge of the bed next to Steve and softly strokes his hair. “Time to wake up babe,” he says softly, repeating the words a few times until Steve stirs.

“Danny?” he asks, his tone about as rough and broken as it was last night. 

“I’m right here,” he answers, using his free hand to intertwine with Steve’s, holding on tight.

* * *

Danny makes it as lazy a day as possible. Steve’s in no mood to talk, that much is obvious. He spends most of the morning curled into Danny’s side, a marked difference from their usual cuddling positions. 

Danny’s able to get Steve to eat most of the fruit, a slice of toast, and a couple pieces of bacon. Neither of them touch the eggs. It seemed like a good idea, a good source of protein, nothing more than food. But Danny took one look and all he could see were the numerous burnt attempts that he threw away while Steve was gone, because Steve makes his eggs and Danny couldn’t really bear eating them without his husband.

It seems like maybe something similar goes through Steve’s mind. He takes one look at the plate, puts the lid on it, and tells Danny he’s sorry.

They manage to get into clean and comfy clothes for their day in bed, but eventually, Danny knows they have to get ready for the funeral. 

Steve only really moves when Danny gives direction in a way that sounds like an order. He ends up making Steve sit down in the shower, legs curled up tight in the too small hotel tub, while Danny scrubs his hair clean. He helps shave his beard afterwards and it feels like his husband is slowly reappearing.

Buck and Eddie show up 35 minutes before the funeral is supposed to start, looking nice and respectable. They escort them to a car waiting out front, a little bit extra support on the way over. Danny is yet again grateful they have friends who care this much about them. Now he just has to get Steve through the next couple hours and then tomorrow they can go home.

* * *

Danny’s talking to one of the agents who had shown up, something Carter, and while she had nothing but kind words to say to Steve, something about her made Danny feel like he’d been reprimanded for slouching. He answers a question when her nose wrinkles in disdain. Danny glances over to see Agent Coen weaseling his way next to Steve.

There are a lot of people that Danny has wanted to punch over the years. Plenty that he’s had the pleasure of punching. There are very few that he’s known he could murder in cold blood and walk away feeling good about his choices.

Coen is one of them. 

Especially now when the man won’t leave his Steve the fuck alone.

The feeling is mutual it seems, but before Carter or Danny can do anything, Buck appears at Coen’s side. He barely seems to move, yet it’s only a moment or two before Buck’s maneuvered himself in between Agent Coen and Steve, cutting off their eye line. Carter slips an arm in Steve’s, says something about introducing him to some lovely people. She has Steve ten yards away before Danny can even say thank you. 

He takes a few steps away, enough to watch for Steve, but keep an eye out if Coen doesn’t listen to Buck.

Though on second thought, muses Danny, delighted at the sight in front of him, it looks like Buck’s not really interested in talking. Danny nearly laughs out loud as Buck dislocates the asshole agent’s knee with a quick kick.

He does let out a chuckle when he sees Eddie stand for far too long in an embrace with Buck. It makes sense for someone grieving at a funeral, but they of course are not grieving attendees.

Danny can’t exactly blame them. He may be a married man but he can definitely appreciate attractiveness and that was hot as fuck. He still remembers the first time he saw Steve drop into that cold, calculated badass mentality versus his usual jump off a building and hope for the best attitude. They hadn’t been anywhere close to figuring their shit out emotionally, but it had still taken everything in Danny to calm his dick down for the rest of the day. He’d barely made it inside the door of his old shitty apartment before he’d shoved his hands down his pants and gotten off harder than he had in years. 

One problem taken care of with Coen’s departure, Danny rejoins Steve, echoing the polite appreciation for the condolences and moving through the crowd. 

When it’s clear that Steve’s done as much as he can emotionally manage for one day, Danny looks to a polite exit. He’s just trying to figure out a courteous excuse when the rest of Steve’s team seems to magically appear at their sides. Barnes and Spencer have a mastery of bullshit diplomacy; they get the stragglers to disperse almost instantly, while Buck, Eddie, and Chavez move Danny and Steve towards the cars and back on their way to the hotel.

It’s impressive and a little bit terrifying just how much of a well-oiled machine they are, but not for the first time today, Danny’s endlessly grateful to have their support.

* * *

Danny leans back against the airplane seat and just closes his eyes for a minute. Finally.

Steve takes his hand and squeezes it tight in his. “Let’s go home, Danno,” he says. 

“Please,” says Danny in response. He keeps his hand tight in Steve’s as the flight attendant goes through the usual safety spiel and as the plane lifts into the air. 

Steve’s asleep on his shoulder before the first round of drinks are offered. Danny tries, but his brain’s too busy, too much to process over the last few days. He finds himself quietly watching Buck and Eddie, who are seated just a row ahead and across from them. They’re all on the same flight to LA, then Danny and Steve will continue on to Honolulu.

Sometimes he’s a little bit jealous of Eddie and Buck’s relationship. From everything he’s observed (and heard) the two of them didn’t have a whole lot of struggle. Buck took the lead once, Eddie followed, they’d been together ever since. 

They fell into forever and rolled with it as soon as they figured it out.

Danny and Steve were vastly different. It took a lot of fighting and misery and miscommunication to get to this. And while Danny wouldn’t trade Steve for the world, sometimes he wishes it was easy. 

That maybe, just maybe, there will be the day that he doesn’t wake up with the knot in his chest all twisted up again, telling him this could be the day that Steve doesn’t come home. 

Maybe Steve will choose them first. And on that day, Danny might be able to breathe again.

* * *

It’s funny, Danny thinks, as their Lyft swings into their driveway. He can already feel like starting to fade back into normal.

They do this a little too often, this flirting with the wrong side of death. This one is going to take a while to fully adjust, obviously, but Steve’s already standing a little straighter since they stepped off the plane and their senses were filled with the aroma of plumeria. The tension is easing out of his shoulders.

They have some rough moments ahead of them for sure. Danny’s no stranger to Steve’s nightmares after a rough mission or case and with the loss of his mom, difficult as that relationship was, it’s going to take a minute for them to find their bearings again.

But it’ll happen.

In the meantime, they get a couple of days to rest at home before it’s back to Five-0 and the never ending pile of cases. 

The team is coming over tomorrow for a barbecue. Danny knew they’d all want to see Steve as soon as possible and it kind of touched him more than he expected at how much their friends missed him too. Steve wanted his family around him, needing that support, and they’d felt something casual in the backyard, where everyone could relax and just be ohana, was a better option than trying to make the rounds to visit everyone.

Danny forewarned everyone not to make it feel like a memorial, just a gathering with a touch of solemnity to it. 

He’s looking forward to it. He’s missed having people around. And this way, he hopes, he’ll be able to recharge so he can be everything that Steve needs right now.

* * *

The party is a lot.

For Steve, it seems to be doing exactly what they intended, reuniting him with the people who matter the most, bringing out a little bit more laughter in him.

For Danny, having someone else there to occupy Steve, someone they can both trust, just leaves Danny alone with his thoughts again. The same familiar fear that he’s been living with for years, that one day, the reunion won’t come.

It’s a little too much at once.

Danny makes sure everyone has food and drinks and that Steve is occupied with Kono and Tani and Kamekona and then he slips away, hides in the garage and breaks the fuck down. 

He just needs a few minutes. Just a few to be away from the happiness and the laughter and the smile that still doesn’t quite reach Steve’s eyes. He needs to hear his own thoughts over that tiny hitch in Steve’s breath anytime someone asks or says anything about if he’s okay.

Danny lets himself cry, knowing he’s only got a few minutes before he’ll be missed and he has to get himself back together. When his phone rings, he intends to ignore it, but Buck’s face is grinning at him, smiling over the heads of Charlie and Christopher, and Danny answers without really thinking about it.

“Buck?” Danny knows his voice is shaking like hell, he’s just kind of over trying to stay in control.

“Thought you might need someone to talk you through your breakdown,” says Buck, a touch of kind laughter in his voice.

“How’d you know I’d be breaking down?” asks Danny, sniffling a little. His eyes are probably so red right now.

“Because I do after most of these missions,” replies Buck. “Not this one, not too much, because I always assumed we were getting Steve back alive. But usually when I have to be SEAL!Buck, it means something’s wrong. Most of the time it means our kid is in danger and that scares the shit out of me, but until the threat is neutralized, I don’t get to be that guy.”

“And when it’s done, you do?”

“Eddie usually triggers it by making me watch super sad episodes of “Touched by an Angel” because he loves me, but he’s also an asshole.”

Danny laughs in spite of himself. 

“That’s it,” says Buck. “It’s okay to be the guy who needs to be taken care of.”

“Steve needs me to be someone else right now,” says Danny. “I just needed a minute for my own meltdown before I go back to being the guy nothing gets to.”

Buck’s reply is interrupted by Steve’s appearance next to him. 

“Danno,” says Steve, sinking down to sit beside him. He tucks his arm around Danny’s shoulders and Danny leans in, needing the familiarity. “I don’t need you to be anyone else. I don’t want you to be. I just need you. Exactly as you are.”

Danny might be able to handle that. So for now, he takes Buck’s advice, leans his head on Steve’s chest and closes his eyes until the only thing his senses recognize is Steve. It’s enough.

* * *

Four months later, Danny slams the door behind the British lawyer a touch harder than necessary. “Don’t say it,” he snaps at Steve. Not today. Not when he thought they were finally done with Doris and Joe White and all the people who need Steve but don’t care about him in return. But of course Doris McGarrett had to leave some last mystery in the hands of an attorney in England, who couldn’t even fly out to see Steve until months after Doris’s death, with some cryptic letter.

“So,” says Danny finally. “What’s it say?”

Steve opens the letter. “It looks like some sort of cipher,” he says and straightens the paper as he places it on the table.

Of course it is, thinks Danny. Of fucking course. Why would anyone think they could have peace? It’s a cipher. Another fucking case. 

Danny should probably be grateful he got these last few months of a safer, more thoughtful Steve, one who didn’t do reckless shit.

The cipher looks intensely difficult too, no doubt one of the only people who could crack it will be Catherine, a woman Danny always swore was never allowed back in their lives. Not for anything.

He’ll say yes though. When Steve asks. He’ll say yes, because that’s what he does.

The smell of sulphur hits his nose. Danny focuses back on Steve to see him holding a match to the edge of the paper and burning the letter. “What are you doing?” he asks, more than a little shocked.

Steve merely lifts his metal trash can up to the desk, shaking out the papers inside first, and holds the burning page over it. When it’s down to the last quarter of the page, he drops it in and watches as it burns to ash. 

Steve sets the trash can back on the ground and reaches across his desk to take Danny’s hands. “Danno,” he says softly. “You are the most important person in the world to me. I don’t need whatever mystery she had for me. I needed my mom and she couldn’t be that. I’m not leaving you again. It’s you and me, Danno.”

And Danny breathes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, the beast is done. This fic ended up being waaaay more intensive than I originally thought. I felt like the plot really wrapped with Steve and Danny in the last chapter, so this is a bit more light-hearted with snippets of life with Buck and Eddie.  
> I don’t think I ever said it, but in this verse Christopher calls Buck-Bucky and Eddie-Dad. Buck just never felt like a Pop or Papa or anything to me. Actually, I take that back. He could totally be a Papa but my nephew calls my dad Papa and I hate my dad so I just can’t make that happen. Anyway, all Buckys in this chapter are Buck, not Barnes.  
> For the H50 fans, while I certainly hope you’ve enjoyed getting to know Eddie and Buck, there’s only one little tidbit of Steve in this, so I understand if you leave with what I hope was a satisfying finish in Chapter 5.  
> To the 911 fans, I hope you enjoy the end.

“Buck, Eddie, I just want you to know, any support you need, we’re here for you,” says Bobby as they gather around for family dinner their first night back at work. They basically had a night to sleep after landing back in LA and seeing Steve and Danny on to Hawaii, and rolled into work at 8am, after a quick breakfast with Christopher. 

Eddie looks to Buck in confusion. What do they need support for?

“Dey fink we went oo a thuneral,” answers Buck around a mouthful of food as he passes the salad. At least, Eddie’s pretty sure that’s what Buck said. Five years of marriage and he still can’t quite decipher everything Buck says while eating. He also has yet to break said husband of the habit of talking with his mouth full.

Still. “Oh we didn’t really go to a funeral,” answers Eddie.

“I mean, we did,” interrupts Buck. “It was fun.”

“A funeral was fun?”

Eddie nods and takes the platter of meatloaf from Hen. “Mmm, Buck dislocated a guy’s knee, it was so hot.”

“At a funeral?”

“The guy was a dick,” says Buck. “Besides, we were there for Steve. It was his mom’s funeral and we don’t really like her.”

“To be fair, I didn’t know her,” corrects Eddie.

Buck shakes his head. “You wouldn’t have liked her anyway.”

“Yeah, I figured. But still.”

Bobby clears his throat rather loudly from the end of the table. 

Eddie looks up to find the entire team staring at them, like a tableau of comedic reactions. “Oh, so um Buck had to do like a super secret SEAL mission thing. You remember his not by blood brother Steve? The one married to Danny that comes up to visit every so often to visit Grace at college?” Eddie pauses to eat a couple bites. He can still explain in the truck if they get a call, but he can’t exactly eat meatloaf and roast potatoes on the go. Well, he can, it’s just the last time he smelled like rosemary the rest of the shift and Bobby banned food from the truck. 

“Anyway, he went to help Steve and I helped Danny and then we had to hang around for Steve’s mom’s funeral and then we came back,” finishes Eddie.

Bobby holds up his hand. “So, to be clear, Buck went back to being a SEAL or at least something very similar, for a few days?”

Eddie nods.

“Yep,” answers Buck.

“Son of a bitch!” snaps Hen.

“Why Cap?” begs Chimney. “Why do we have to suffer? We’re good people.”

“Um dude,” says Buck. “What the hell?”

Hen rolls her eyes at both of them. “You guys are gross whenever that happens. Absolutely disgusting.”

“We’re gross?” questions Buck, elbowing Eddie.

Rude. 

“Fine, Eddie’s gross,” corrects Hen. “You just go along with it.”

“I don’t see how it’s gross to consider my husband attractive,” grumbles Eddie. So they’ve been caught a handful of times. That’s hardly a reason to make a big deal out of it. Like a half dozen times max. Whatever. They sanitized the truck.

“No sex in the firehouse,” orders Bobby. “And no more discussing the sex lives of team members when we’re eating,” he adds before anyone can say anything else.

* * *

For as long as Buck and Danny’s call is, Eddie’s call to Steve is remarkably short. He waits until Buck gives him a thumbs up to reach out, calling a couple times before Steve answers.

“Dude,” says Eddie when Steve answers with a decently cheerful sounding “Howzit?”

“Eddie?” asks Steve.

“Your husband thought you were dead for the better part of the last four months,” snaps Eddie. “And then he had to be your rock while you got to break down.”

“My mother died in front of me,” argues Steve. "Like barely a week ago."

Eddie’s really not interested. “I get that. Mourn as long as you need to, like I said, sorry for your loss. But your husband is alive. He’s alive and he’s hurting and you need to put your shit aside and go talk to him. Support goes both ways.”

Steve mumbles something in return, not that Eddie really cares.

“Go find Danny, Steven,” he orders and hangs up the phone.

* * *

“So did you guys have a good time?” asks Christopher on Sunday when Buck and Eddie have their first night off. They’d already explained what actually happened--well, the sanitized version when they got home, but the week had been too busy to really catch up. 

“I mean, for a given value of good,” answers Buck. “Pass me the yogurt, please.”

Eddie hands over a tub out of the fridge. He’s still never really mastered cooking, plus it somehow became Buck and Christopher’s thing in the early dating days. It gave them a way to bond over something they didn’t have to share with Eddie and he’s always felt it’s what made the transition to looking to Buck as a second father, all the easier. 

Eddie is however a master of the rice cooker and he can wield a mean spoon, so he’s usually asked to stir a pot of something or other. 

“We saw the Smithsonian and that was pretty awesome,” says Eddie.

“No, the other one,” says Buck, reaching his hand out. 

“What other museum?”

Buck shakes his head. “Sorry, I meant the plain yogurt, not the Greek one. We have to marinate the chicken.”

Awesome, thinks Eddie as he finds the right container. That means chicken tikka masala, which is one of his favorite dishes ever. 

“Did you get to be a badass?” asks Christopher, dumping the spice measurements into a bowl as Buck passes them over. They look like a well-coordinated team.

As the other well-coordinated team, Buck exchanges a look with Eddie. How much do they actually want to tell their teenage son about their week?

Christopher looks between both of them and rolls his eyes. “I’m just gonna remind you both that the first time Buck had to do SEAL stuff was when terrorists attacked the Science Center while I was there and nine years old. And then when that mob sent bombs to our school and killed a bunch of my classmates. And in Hawaii, when you got kidnapped. And I was there. For alllllll of it.”

He turns back to the marinade and starts mixing the chicken pieces in with his hands while Eddie mouths “Is that what all of high school is going to be like?” at Buck.

Buck shrugs back at him, cutting more chicken and passing it to Chris.

Fine. “Bucky broke a CIA agent’s fingers,” says Eddie. 

“Was he a traitor?” asks Christopher, handing off the chicken for Eddie to put in the fridge so they can start on the next part of the meal. 

Buck shakes his head. “Nah, just a dick.”

“Cool,” says Christopher. “How’s Uncle Steve doing?”

“About like your dad was after your mom died,” answers Buck, much softer and kinder than his words about Agent Coen. 

It’s a fair assessment. Eddie’d been utterly miserable in those days, while still pissed as hell because Shannon had just called it quits, again, and he was left with a lot of conflicting emotions to deal with. He still doesn’t know how to thank Buck for being there for him through that time, no agenda, no pressure, just unyielding support.

Chris nods and while he hopefully will never understand those exact feelings, he’s never been one to shy away from the difficulties that were his mother. “At least he has Danny,” says Chris.

“They’ll be okay, it’ll just take time,” says Eddie.

Christopher gives him a questioning look. “Yeah…”

“Did you not ask if they’ll be okay?” Geez Eddie, pay attention.

“I know they’ll be okay,” his son says, like that’s obvious. “They have their ohana with them and Uncle Danny loves Uncle Steve like you love Bucky. And we have the 118. You’re always okay if you have family.”

Eddie smiles at his son, then catches Buck’s eye, and they both lean in for a big family hug because yeah, when you find your ohana, nothing is too much to bear together.

* * *

They’re drifting off to sleep in bed later that night, when Eddie voices the question that’s been on his mind for a while. “Do you ever miss it? The SEAL stuff?”

Buck smiles, that little beam of a smile where his eyes crinkle just for Eddie. “No. I always wanted to be a firefighter. I wanted to save people. I get to do that every single day. I’m glad I have these guys in my life and I’m glad I know how to protect the people I love. But I’ve never once missed that life. You and Christopher are the life I always dreamed about. The 118, the family we’ve built. This is the life I want. “

Eddie can’t help it, he pushes himself up just enough to lean over and kiss Buck, sweet and tender, nothing but the purest joy behind it. “I love you so fucking much Evan Buckley-Diaz.”

Buck grins against his lips, kisses him back with just a bit of tongue. “I love you too, baby.”

Eddie settles back against the pillows. He tugs Buck in against him, knowing as always how much Buck loves the feeling of being protected and valued that he gets from being the little spoon. 

He falls asleep with his head tucked into his husband’s shoulder, both of them utterly content, knowing he has everything he’ll ever need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m marking the series complete here. As usual, there’s always the chance that I’ll come back to this, so subscribe to the series if you like, but I think this story creates a nice wrap up to SEAL!Buck. In this verse at least. I wanted to be careful not to put Eddie into the same fear as Danny, that Buck would want to go back to it, but it felt like a good time to reference it and create a nice little bookend to this series.  
> I’m absolutely not done playing in the SEAL!Buck sandbox, just feeling like this verse is complete.  
> Thank you all for going on this journey through these stories, they’ve been an absolute blast to write.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if you like Junior but since he started his time on the show by telling Danny he knew Steve better than Danny does, I haven't been able to muster up the energy to care about him. So unlike in the show, he doesn't get to come on the rescue.  
> Also to H50 fans, I don't recognize a fanfic world that separates Kono and Adam, so she's still around. And my love for Tani Rey knows no bounds. And I ship her and Quinn soooo much.


End file.
